Setting boundaries doesn’t necessarily mean achieving or working less…it’s a about establishing a way of being (living and working) that works for you!
The concept of boundaries didn’t exist until the 1980s when it was first introduced by therapists and self-help groups. Thus, most working women today were not raised by adults who modelled healthy boundaries. To many women, the word boundaries can have a negative connotation and bring up difficult emotions such as guilt: We were raised and socialized as young girls to be helpers, givers, and caretakers. Saying “no,” does not come naturally to us.
- Identify what ‘work-life balance’ means to you and communicate expectations as a team / family
Setting boundaries doesn’t necessarily mean achieving or working less…it’s a about establishing a way of being (living and working) that works for you. Gallop found that the quality of work and whether we enjoy what we do is more important for our wellbeing generally than focusing on the number of hours we work.
At work, we need to meet with our teams to understand each individuals’ circumstances and working preferences to make a structure that works for everyone, especially in a hybrid world. If you are a manager you can help facilitate these conversations.
Equally, these are conversations we need to have at home so we can work together with our families to support one another to get everything done without losing time for self-care / unwinding!
- Give yourself permission to stick to your boundaries
Positive reassuring statements are proven to help with behaviour change if they are said little and often. Statements could include: “I deserve to take this break from my screen” “I work better when I have switched off for 30 minutes” “I give myself permission to stick to my boundaries” “I look after my wellbeing”
- Add self-care tactics to your calendar
We all write to-do lists but how often do we put pleasurable things or activities we can’t wait to do on that list? If we schedule in time in our work calendar where we are ‘busy’ so we can go for a lunch time stroll, catch up with a friend, or perhaps head to an exercise class a little earlier – then we are more likely to do it! At the weekends book in time for those indulgent treats you might give yourself and let family know that’s your plan so they can help you achieve them!
- Develop a switch-off routine
Just before you leave work, turn on your “out of office” messages on your email service. Then, as you walk out of the door, set your phone and email notifications to “do not disturb” so you are unavailable the moment you leave the building. Do the same if you work from home. You are unavailable off hours.
Your drive or commute home is sacred, alone time for you. On your drive home, do something relaxing that allows you to decompress. Listen to your favourite podcast, audiobook, or playlist. Do whatever you will enjoy as you commute. If you work from home, get outside for an end of the workday walk to clear your mind from the day.
- Disconnect from technology
Be aware of the doom scrolling or tech that doesn’t serve you well, makes you frustrated or envious! Create boundaries and limits. Book in ‘tech free time’ each day if you can. That might be before you go to bed as part of your winding down routine, or perhaps ensuring you don’t look at your phone when eating dinner, watching a film, or first thing in the morning before you are up and ready.
Involve your family and friends – if you let people know you are having an hour free from tech, or some of the problems you find with it, they are more likely to help you – and you to help them! If as a family, or a relationship you decide together to leave phones in another room, for example it helps you both to connect,
Also, look at making simple adjustments e.g. remove notifications – it is a game changer; consider what Apps are on your home screen so that you don’t get drawn in each time you are on your phone.
- Learn how to say ‘no’ and share the load
At work, are there non-urgent and non-important tasks that you find yourself doing regularly. Do these tasks tend to be the ones you go to and procrastinate with? Make some time to brainstorm what your priorities are and talk to your manager or team if you feel you need help delegating. Sometimes we do things ourselves because it feels quicker than coaching someone else to do it – this does not save time in the long run!
At home, if you have a partner or a spouse, share the load at home with them. Remember: There is no supposed to or should when it comes to your responsibilities. So, when you come home already exhausted from your workday, divide the dinnertime and evening responsibilities equitably. If you are a single parent, enlist help from grandparents, neighbours, or friends. Don’t be shy about asking for help.
Consider whether you can hire help for certain tasks such as getting food delivered, getting a cleaner or gardener, carers or the odd babysitter! By doing these things, you are not only off-loading stressors from your life but also providing valuable and meaningful work for people who need it.
- Lead by example. When you prioritise your own personal well-being and self-care first, you are modelling important boundaries for others
If you aren’t ok, you can’t take care of anyone else in your life.
In the workplace, model positive behaviour and healthy habits as it encourages others to do the same. This is even more powerful if you are a manager.
If you have children, remember they are watching you. With your partner, model the relationship you want your children to have with their partners someday. Show them that both parents are responsible for taking care of the house and the family, too; that both parents are equally responsible for the load at home.
If you are a single parent, model what it looks like to ask for and receive help from others, and that all the responsibility does not fall on you. Also – can you assign chores to your children?
Final thoughts
Take some time this evening or weekend to really think about how you are using your time. Do you need to set clearer boundaries for yourself?
Where are your energy levels at the start and end of a working day? What drains you, and could these tasks be done at a different time or in a different way? What boosts your energy, and are you doing enough of it? Finally, who do you need to involve in your boundary setting conversations at home and at work?